Now that I am an adult, memories of childhood storm my head, and I just don’t know how to treat them. I will be a liar if I say that I don’t miss my childhood, or that I hate how I was in my childhood. But I have now grown up, not just my size has changed, but the way I view things too.
When I was a child, I thought the worst thing that would happen to someone was death. I dreaded death, with all my body, heart and soul. Nothing would scare better than the thought of dying. I wouldn’t just imagine ‘suffocating’ in a coffin, then in a grave. I wouldn’t imagine departing from mama’s ugali, and saying goodbye to moulding with mud. But when I grew up, I learnt that death isn’t the worst thing that can happen to anyone, but one of the best. I thought death brings a pause to all the good things in life, but I now know that death is the cessation of all the bad things in life. I now know that in death, I will be in a peaceful sleep, without having to struggle with sin, without having to struggle with myself. Death will keep me away from the hatred of my enemies, from friends who pretend to love me but don’t. Death will keep my away from struggling to be someone I am not. Death will keep me away from all the evils that happen in the face of this world. Indeed, death is not as bad as I thought. However, that doesn’t disqualify it from being saddening. Anyway, however saddening it may be, it should not be if I did not just die in Christ, but lived in Christ too. So now I know, that when abiding in Christ, death is not the worst thing that can ever happen to me.
When I was a child, I thought death came as a result of some yucky things that people did. I thought it was a punishment that served them right. Neigh, I never thought death was meant for people like me or anyone in or next to my family. Even my friends were good people, who were never meant to die so easily. I thought it was by our own power that we evaded death’s firm grip. But as I grew up, I have seen death show off her might right beside me. I have seen people, colleagues, friends, companions, people who have trodden in the same paths as I, people who have walked straighter paths than I, being shaken off the world like they don’t matter at all, like they don’t have any worth, like they’re the yucky fellows. Death has come closer and closer. It has knocked at the doors of my family, though the door has never been opened. And now that I have grown, I know that death is not a punishment for the yucky mistakes we commit, and we cannot evade it by our own might. I have known that when death knocks at anyone’s doors, it is not in our place to keep the door shut, but the Lord’s. That’s why I have greatly been humbled, knowing the life that I live is but borrowed, not mine at all, and when the owner asks for it, I will be at no position to object.
When I was a child, I believed that the luckiest people are the ones who lead the most comfortable lives: those that have everything they need at their disposal, those that eat the most delicious of meals every single day, they that face no problems in life, they who never fall sick, they who never lack, they who live in bungalows, they who have the best phones. But now I have grown up, and I know that these are not the luckiest people in life, but the least fortunate of all. For my Bible tells me, “Count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations; knowing that the trying of your faith worketh patience.”—James 1:2-3. Yea, now I know for sure, that they that live a life of struggles, always facing the ups and downs of life, always wishing they had more in life, always sickling, always suffering, they are the luckiest people. I now know, that when life pushes you to the wall, you shouldn’t mumble, but appreciate. I now know that whenever I fall sick, I shouldn’t cry, but thank God, because all these misfortunes make me a lucky person.
When I was a child, I knew the people who loved me most are the ones that gave me physical gifts and presents. I thought that love could only be revealed in material things. That is why I at times hated the people who loved me most, and treasured those that I meant nothing to them. I should have known that the ones that love you will be concerned with your spiritual and mental growth and not just material gain. But now that I have grown up, I know that the people who love you most, are the ones that can come to you at your most subtle times, when you feel like you just need to be alone, far apart from the world, whisper to you words and leave, words that speak deep to your soul, even if you don’t respond. I now know that they are the ones who are always there to catch you when you’re falling, not to pick you up after falling. They are the ones who never see you as an asset, the ones who never want to use for their own personal gain, then say, “what are friends for?” I now know that they are the ones who give you hope when there’s none in sight, the ones who are your reason to look forward to the next day. I now know that the people who love you most are the ones who will give you joy at all cost, even if it means sacrificing their own.
When I was a child, I knew the best gift anyone could ever give you was money to buy ‘mandas’ or ‘mandas’ itself, or any other thing that wouldn’t last but would soon be consumed. As I’ve said, I actually believed those are the ones who loved me. But now that I am old, I know that the best gift anyone can ever give you is the one that lasts a lifetime. Of course, nothing material lasts for a lifetime. That is why the best gift that someone can give to you is nothing physical. I now know that the best gift someone can give you is a message of the gospel, a message that brings deliverance that last a lifetime. When lost in the world, with no salvation in sight, there is nothing that we may ever be in need of than a simple message, whispered to the ear, and to the heart, that proclaims salvation unto the lost. When entangled by sin, the best gift anyone can ever give us is the message of the good news of free salvation by faith.
When I was a child, I thought money is the only good thing that anyone can get from anything. You know what that means? That every human effort, every human thought, every human action, everything we ever do is all for money and everything it can buy, because for me, money was the answer to every question in life. Did I even think of the million and one things that money cannot afford? Did I even know of the billion things whose values cannot be measured in monetary terms? Economists would say, I gave everything in life a cardinalist approach. Well, I was just a child. But now that I have grown, at least I know that money is not the best thing that I should base all my efforts on. I know that living my true purpose is of greater worth than accumulating all the wealth in this world. I have known that being an inspiration to just one person is much more valuable than earning a million shillings a day. Yea, now I know, that not everything we do is about money, and money is not the only good thing that can come out of something.
When I was a child, I was terribly scared of tomorrow. I always hoped the world would always remain the same. I never wanted tomorrow to come, because during the holidays, I knew every tomorrow was a day closer to school. Again, I knew every tomorrow was a day closer to the end of the world; another thing that I was so scared of and least wanted to think about. But now, tomorrow is my greatest desire. Because in tomorrow lies my only hope. Hope of correcting the mistakes I made today and yesterday. Hope that the road will rise up to meet me, and that I get all that my heart always desires. Hope that I will wake up to a peaceful and politically stable nation. Hope that I will wake up to see a smile on my mom’s face. Hope that I will wake up to live a totally new life. Yea, I am now old, not a child anymore, and now that I know, my life is no longer the same.
By Vincent Owino
nice one brother
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